Just an average dying teenager.

hplyrikz:

Clear your mind here

(via hplyrikz)

(via thatgirlmind)

The saddest kind of sad is when your tears can’t even drop and you feel nothing. It’s like the world has just ended. You don’t cry. You don’t hear. You don’t see. You stay. For a second the heart dies.

sick-ofbeing-alone:

How am I supposed to do school work when I’m trying to stop myself from ending it all

(via sick-ofbeing-alone-deactivated2)

sea-lillies:

My mum said she didn’t understand how people could get so low and be so selfish to take their own life away from the ones who love them.

But she doesn’t know how it feels to be that low. To feel as if there is nothing left here for you. That you are already a shell, a ghost. She has never felt the numbness, or heard the voices. She hasn’t woken up in the middle of the night gasping because a blanket brushed too close to her neck. She doesn’t fear for her life anytime someone leaves her alone for even a second.

I know she hasn’t, because if she had ever felt anything remotely close to what I feel on a daily basis, she would never say that she “doesn’t understand”.

hplyrikz:

Clear your mind here

(Source: zodiacspot.co, via hplyrikz)

We couldn’t. So we must love her
even if her Borderline Personality Disorder
destroyed her and those that loved her.
// k.c. (via poetryleftbyher)

There was a wall separating her from being normal and she punched at it each day.

Pills? Therapy?

It’s a joke. She was more than that,
but she still destroyed those
who smiled next to her.

The instability to be who she was conflicted with the things she did both intentionally and unintentionally… and they said she had a problem, but honestly? It made her more human than the rest of us. It was just amplified by a few thousand sand-storms over while being in a nuclear bomb.

And she was ticking, ticking and ticking.

Every decision another mistake,
but it wasn’t her fault.
Every slice another scar,
but it wasn’t the razors.
Every heartbreak another dead lover,
but it was always her.

There’s an imbalance in her smile.
The wickedness sleeping as an angel.

She was ticking, ticking and ticking.

She wanted to blow up this wall;
a wall created by her reality,
a wall that stopped her from being happy,
a wall that became a piece of her.

She bottled and bottled,
but when she poured;

It became death to those nearby,
but it was not her fault.

The volcano will explode.
The ocean will flood cities.
The sky will change.
The sun will die.
The moon will leave.
The universe will end.

Everything has an expiration date,
until the jig is up, even her.

So how could we blame her
for how Mother Nature made her.

30 things I wish I knew before I started cutting:

psychotichorizons:

1. Razors are a pain in the ass to get out.
2. Don’t ever let something get to the point where you can’t control it.
3. Shaving will never be the same.
3. Cuts hurt way longer than just when you’re in the shower.
4. Sleeves move around, and they won’t always be covered.
5. The fabric from your jeans will make your skin feel like it’s burning alive.
6. One cut will never be enough.
7. Every line, mark, scrape you see turns into a trigger.
8. Blood smells really, really gross.
9. The scars will constantly remind you, even on the good days.
10. You’re not sure why it feels good, it just does.
11. ^^ Sometimes it doesn’t feel good at all and it will make you cry.
12. You’ll start to see yourself as disgusting.
13. Sometimes the blood won’t stop and you swear it’s your last time, but it never will be.
14. Bandaids, Neosporin, and razors cost a lot of money.
15. Sex becomes very awkward with the lights on.
16. Cuts itch.
17. Then people ask why you’re itching.
18. You’re too hot to wear that hoodie? Too bad.
19. You’ll throw away your razors and the next day feel like a psycho when you’re digging through the trash.
20. No matter how many excuses you make up for doing it that day, none of them will be valid. Ever.
21. People will think you do it for attention, so you’ll start to believe them.
22. You’ll want to stop, you just won’t know how.
23. It will tear your heart out when your best friend does it once.
24. Some places feel better to cut than others.
25. Skin doesn’t always grow back the way you want.
26. You’ll feel like a charity case.
27. Some people will treat you like you are one, too.
28. You’ll start to think more about your back up plan for if you start to bleed out rather than college.
29. You’ll get angry if you forgot your razors.
30. Your mom’s going to cry really hard when she finally sees them.

(via i-m-d-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d)

365 Days of Haiku, Day #123 (via bl-ossomed)

(via nakeedpeach)

I can’t abandon
the person I used to be
so I carry her.